CandyMan
by DarknessintheCorners
Summary: This fic was written with Christina Agulera's 'CandyMan' in mind. Basically... Graham cant resist Epps's Black Candy-ness. SLASH DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!
1. Chapter 1

_**Darkness here, back with the second Collab between ICaughtMyself and I. All makes sense really! This one is Predominatly about Epps and Graham and Explains just how they got together! Bonus points for anyone who gets the hidden refererences. **_

_**Summary: This fic was written with Christina Agulera's 'CandyMan' in mind. Basically... Graham cant resist Epps's Black Candy-ness. **_

_**Disclaimer: Really Not mine. Sucks dunit. **_

**__****Warnings: SLASH! SWEARING! YOU HAS BEEN WARNED! IF YOU DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ! SIMPLES!**

_**Happy Reading!  
**_

**CHAPTER ONE**

Epps was walking towards Graham's room. He stopped and contemplated why he was called Graham, was it his first name? Was it his last name? Was it a name he just told everyone? Was his real Name Terrance? Trevor? Or even Jude? Actually there were a lot of things no one knew about the Brit. He decided that it was time to find out. He knocked on Graham's door.

Graham answered the door, surprised to see Epps standing in front of him. "Oh... hi."

"Hi, my little man-peach. You look surprised to see me..." Epps said with a tiny little smile gracing his lips.

"Man-peach?"

"uh, yeah... you're a man-peach. It's basically because you're white and squidgy. And burst quite easily. It's perfectly logical" Epps grinned and walked into the other mans room "so... what I wanna know is, why are you so secretive... I mean, no one knows your real name... and you hide away all day... you got someone in here or something?"

"What the hell? Where did all of this come from? And for God's sake man, my real name is _Graham_. It's the one on my door, it's the one on all of my files." Graham insisted. "What makes you think it isn't?"

"I don't know... well that's only one of my questions _Graham_, what about the other ones. You can't answer them can you? No... Didn't think so" Epps sat down on the bed and layed down on his back.

"What, why I'm so secretive? I'm just a quiet person... what are you doing?" Graham asked, watching Epps lay down on the bed.

"Getting comfy... and I'm the one asking the questions, not you Man-peach... Do you have someone in here?"

"No, I don't have anyone in here... and seriously, stop calling me man-peach!"

"What if I don't want to stop calling you man-peach?... _Man-Peach!_ What are you going to do about it?" Epps challenged.

"I want you to stop calling me man-peach. What are you even doing in here?" Graham sighed. "I thought you guys were going to the pub tonight."

"I came to see my favourite man-peach, and I can't be bothered to go to the pub. It's just gonna be a bunch of drunk army dudes trying to chat up a load of birds and getting laid, and I really don't fancy that. Anyway... what are you gonna do about it? Am I gonna get roughed up by you?" Epps said grinning and settling his head down on the pillow. And closed his eyes. "I like it here, it's comfy"

"I'm not going to do anything except ask you to leave." Graham said. "I'm not going to rough you up... and of course it's comfy, it's my bed!"

"I'm not gonna leave. I don't want to leave. And I was looking forward to getting roughed by you _Man Peach_"

"Stop calling me that."

"Why? It suits you man-peach"

"How the hell does it suit me?"

"It just does... it's like names just suit people... and man-peach suits you"

"Epps, can you just get out?" Graham asked. "I was going to take a shower..."

"Can I join?"

"What?"

"I don't know how specific I can be with this point..." Epps sat up and faced Graham. "Can. I. Join. You. In. The. Shower?"

"No!" Graham spluttered. "What? Why? ... just get out."

"Because, I don't know... you blatantly want my black candy" Epps laughed.

"..."

"Don't deny it Graham" Epps walked up to Graham and put his arms around Graham's waist.

"Erm..." Graham leant back, as far away from Epps as he could possibly get. Epps walked towards the wall and pinned Graham back.

"erm? Care to elaborate?"

Graham whimpered. "Come on Epps, this isn't funny... I'm tired... I need a shower... I wanna go to bed..."

"Who's laughing?" Epps licked his way from Graham's collarbone up to his cheek.

"W-well I'm not." Graham stuttered, placing his hands on Epps's chest and trying to push him away. "Come on... please... Epps, stop it..."

"Why should I?"

"B-because I asked you to? ... I'll scream 'rape'." Graham insisted.

"jesus Graham... Why? You obviously do want this... You're not exactly trying too hard to get away, now are you, my fuzzy little man-peach"

"Seriously... stop calling me that..." Graham whined. "Epps, just get off... seriously – I'm tired... just leave it."

"Leave what? What is your problem?"

"I'm just tired... I need to get clean..." Graham protested. "Just let me have a shower..."

"I'm going to wait here though while you have a shower, you never know.. I might join you.." Epps grinned, pulling Graham closer towards his chest. Graham ducked under Epps's arms and out of his grip.

"I want you gone by the time I get out." Graham said, walking into the bathroom.

"What are you going to do if I'm not?" Epps shouted after him. Graham threw his shirt at Epps from the bathroom.

"Hooray, I win!" Epps laughed and flopped down on the bed.

Graham stuck his head round the door and smirked. "I wouldn't be so sure about that if I were you."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that you haven't won." Graham disappeared back around the door.

"well... that's cryptic..." Epps got up and followed Graham into the shower, discarding the clothes on the way.

"Robert, what are you doing?" Graham tutted and shook his head.

"... I got lonely..." Epps said hanging his head "So... I came to see you instead"

"Looks more like you came to join me." Graham observed, sliding the shower door closed. Epps grinned and opened the door and hopped in the shower

"Yeah... But how can I join you if you close the door on me first?" Epps asked, sliding his arms around Graham's waist from behind.

"I didn't say you could join me." Graham murmured, leaning back against Epps.

"Yeah... But you're not exactly responding negatively to me are you?" He grinned.

"I'm sorry, I can't resist..."

"Not many people can resist my black candy" Epps laughed kissing Graham's shoulder.

"Black candy?" Graham grinned.

"Yeah..." Epps thrust his hips against Graham's arse "that black candy"

Graham groaned. "ohhh... I see..." Epps chuckled.

"Yeah... Not so adverse to me joining you in the shower now are you?"

"No... not really."

"Thought so" Epps smiled and continued grinding his hips. Graham moaned and pushed himself against Epps, his eyes sliding shut. Epps moved and pushed Graham against the wall of the shower and kissed his neck.

"Epps... I got in the shower to try and get _clean_."

"and I'm going to make you dirty obviously" Epps started to nibble Graham's neck.

"Obviously..." Epps grinned against Graham's neck and continued to kiss and nibble.

"I won't do it, if you don't want me to"

"No... yes... please..." Graham sighed. "My brain isn't working properly."

"care to be elaborate?" Epps asked.

"You... you and your black candy... it's too distracting." Epps threw his head back and laughed.

"Nice to know that you like mah black candy and that it's distracting to you" Epps said, grinding his hips against Graham's.

"Yeah..." Graham said. "Stop being such a tease..."

"I'm not being a tease... you just think I'm being a tease" Epps kissed Graham.

"No... you're being a tease." Graham protested.

"I'm really not being a tease. You just say I am"

"You're being a tease. You're just denying it for some reason..."

"I'm not denying it... I'm just telling the truth"

"No, you're telling lies. I'm the one telling the truth." Graham insisted.

"Shut up, you're brain is breaking" Epps ground his hips against the other mans in earnest.

"My. Brain. Is. BROKEN." Graham insisted. "All because of you – you... TEASE!"

"Is that all you can think of? Tease? You're really shit at these things" Epps bit down on Graham's shoulder.

Graham yelped when Epps bit his shoulder. "I don't know anymore." He leant his forehead on Epps's shoulder.

"Awe, bless your little heart" Epps said licking Graham's shoulder.

"I just don't know anymore..." Graham said. He looked up. "I love you." Epps looked shocked for a moment, then his gaze softened.

"I love you too" Epps said back. Graham pressed his lips to Epps's. He kissed back the other man with more fervour. Graham grinded himself against Epps, moaning. Robert grinned and nibbled on Graham's collarbone.

"I'm still trying to get clean." Graham mumbled with a smile.

"and I'm helping you get clean"

"No, you're really not. I think I should just give up." Graham said, nuzzling Epps's neck. Epps's chuckled.

"oh dear, you're not very good at keeping up with your word are you?"

"That's because you're here." Epps threw back his head in laughter.

"do you want me to leave?"

"I didn't say I wanted you to leave." Graham said.

"I know, but you implied it" Epps said.

"I'm sorry. I don't want you to go." Graham clung to Epps.

"you're very clingy aren't you?" Epps asked.

"Well I like you and I don't want you to go... this isn't just a onetime thing, is it?" Graham asked. "I mean, this is going to be a proper relationship, right?"

"No... This is just a onetime thing"

"Oh." Graham said, pulling away from Epps and stepping out of the shower, grabbing a towel. "Well... well... I'm gonna turn in early... so I guess you can go."

"oh my god... you brits are so naive" Epps went up to Graham and nuzzled his neck "do you really think this was a onetime thing"

"Yes, I did." Graham said. "You implied that you were only here for a one night stand."

"oh... uhm... sorry, I didn't mean it" Epps took off Graham's towel and dropped it to the floor.

"Well, it's not just us brits that are naive, is it." Graham grinned.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Epps asked, frowning slightly.

"You implied that you wanted a one night stand, when you don't." Graham replied.

"Why does that make me naive?"

"Because you haven't been wording your sentences properly." Graham tutted.

"What? I'm so confused"

"Better you than me."

"what... why are you so mean?"

"Oh, so I'm not allowed to be mean, but you're allowed to be a tease?" Graham asked raising one eyebrow. "I think you've got double standards." Graham kissed Epps. Robert chuckled against Graham's lips

"I'm not a tease"

"Are."

"Not.. I'm sorry, but you're the one who is nekkid and won't let me fuck you"

"I never said you couldn't fuck me." Graham rolled his eyes.

"Oh. Well, I'm stupid" Epps walked out of the bathroom and put some clothes on.

"Why the hell are you getting dressed?"

"because... I'm not in the mood, I'd rather sit and talk about things, I don't wanna rush into things with you, I wanna make sure I'm not doing the wrong thing" Epps said sitting back down on the bed.

"You are a tease!" Graham pointed accusingly at Graham. "I'm naked. I'm aroused. You just put your clothes back on. DAMN IT MAN, I'M SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED."

"shut up Graham"

"Why?"

"because you talk too much" Epps leaned over and kissed Graham's mouth.

"You just said you weren't in the mood." Graham was now confused... again.

"I lied"

"... I told you that you were mean."

"I love you too"

"So – are we talking, or are we fucking?" Graham asked impatiently.

"Fucking. Like... Now" Epps jumped on Graham, Consensually fucking (raping) him.

_**-TBC-**_

**I Caught Myself: but you can't have consensual rape. IT'S JUST NORMAL SEX WOMAN! **

**DarknessintheCorners: Fuck you. **

**I Caught Myself: No, fuck you for saying Simmons is awesome. FUCK YOU. **

**DarknessintheCorners: Simmons is awesome! I don't know why you don't like him. **

**I Caught Myself: I didn't say I didn't like him, I just said he wasn't awesome. **

**DarknessintheCorners: Well I don't know why you didn't involve him in your fic. SIMMONS AND LEO IS PRACTICALLY CANNON! **

**I Caught Myself: I FORGOT, OKAY? I'M ALLOWED TO DO THAT, I AM ONLY HUMAN AFTERALL. **

**DarknessintheCorners: I don't care. Anyway... aren't you meant to be writing this instead of arguing with me? **

**I Caught Myself: ... yes. I am, but YOU STARTED ARGUING BACK. **

**DarknessintheCorners: you know I don't back down., I'll just hit you. And I changed it, to consensual fucking. **

_**Sorry about that.. She really is a difficult fish sometimes. **_

_**ANWAY! Review? Cyber!Cookies are at stake**_

_**This is going to follow the 'Chapter a Day' thing that Shooting Practise had. :D **_

_**xxDarknessxx  
**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**HAI! It's me! Anyway... Chapter TWOOOO! Hope ya Enjoyed Chapter one!**_

_**Summary: This fic was written with Christina Agulera's 'CandyMan' in mind. Basically... Graham cant resist Epps's Black Candy-ness. **_

_**Disclaimer: Really Not mine. Sucks dunit. **_

**__****Warnings: SLASH! SWEARING! YOU HAS BEEN WARNED! IF YOU DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ! SIMPLES!**

_**Happy Reading!**_

**CHAPTER TWO**

"Do you want coffee?" Graham called, getting out of bed and staggering into the kitchen. Epps chuckled

"That is such an awkward after sex thing to say" Sitting up In Graham's bed.

"Why?"

"It just is" Epps said, putting on a fake voice "Oh, that was nice, now... Do you want coffee" He used his real voice "you might as just say 'Wow that was awkward... now get out'" he laughed.

"Well I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound like that." Graham grumbled. "Now, do you want coffee or not?"

"No" Epps leant forward and grabbed Graham's waist and pulled him back onto the bed "I want you"

"Well I want coffee." Graham squirmed to get out of Epps's grip. Epps let go, and turned over.

"fine"

"I'll be back in a minute."

"fine"

"I..." Graham hesitated and walked out of the bedroom, into the kitchen. Epps sat back up Feeling Badddasssssssss. Graham walked back into the bedroom, carrying a steaming mug of coffee.

"I told you I'd be back in a minute." Graham said, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"hmmm" Epps put his arms around Graham's waist and nuzzled his neck.

"Hey, don't make me spill my coffee."

"then put it down" Epps continued to nuzzle, he was determined to get his own way.

"But I wanna drink it."

"But I want youuu, I let you get a coffee"

"Yes, and I'd like to drink the coffee you let me get." Graham sighed. Epps let go and sat back against the headboard, _'Why are brits so frigid'_ he thought. "Thank you."

"Yeah, You're welcome"

"Don't be like that." Graham rolled his eyes.

"like what?"

"You're pissed off."

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are. I can hear it in your voice and you're all tensed up. You're pissed off."

"I'm really not" Epps laughed "You're just paranoid"

"I'm really not." Graham copied.

"Fuck you"

"You did that last night." Graham smirked.

"and I wanna do it again" Epps grinned.

"I'm too tired for morning sex." Graham said, drinking his coffee.

"Awe bless your cottons. Well... can we at least talk?"

"We're talking now."

"no, I meant about what happened?"

"Oh okay. What's there to talk about?" Graham asked.

"Well, I don't want it to be a one night stand..."

"I said exactly the same last night and so did you." Graham said.

"thats besides the point. It doesn't matter if we've already said it, I just wanna make sure that it is actually what you want... sorry for being sentimental?" Epps said.

"Epps, if I didn't want this I probably would've thrown you out already." Graham smiled.

"I don't know, You're a puny white boy, I'm a big black man... the odds are against you"

"I'm pretty sure Lennox would come and help if I screamed."

"Again, I don't know, he's probably busy fucking Ironhide somewhere"

"Then maybe Ironhide would come and help too." Graham smiled. "If I did want to throw you out, I'm sure I could find someone to help – like Galloway."

"But he hates everyone, I doubt he would do anything to help, he'll probably just throw us out of the army for doing 'indecent' things" Epps smirked.

"Fine. I'll get Morshower."

"Morshower loves me, I was in the first Decepticon attack, I'm invaluable"

"I'll get Optimus Prime. He'll help me, what with all his morals and everything."

"Again... He loves me. I'm his second-in-commands boyfriends bestfriend, There is nothing he can do"

"I'll get Ratchet to perform medical experiments on you."

"Do I really have to keep having one over on you, Ratchet won't, because me and him have fought longer than you and him have, it just makes sense"

"I'll get Sideswipe to gut you like a fish."

"I'm close to Sideswipe"

"I'll sell you to Megatron."

"Not possible, You'll be branded a traitor, exiled by the Autobots then killed by the Decepticons"

"And you'll be Megatron's new pet. With any luck, maybe you'll replace Starscream as second in command. That way, you can destroy the Decepticons from the inside."

"Not likely, the amount of times Starscream has tried to overthrow Megatron he would be gone by now, and there are more loyal Decepticons than Starscream, if Megatron wanted a new one, he would have one by now, and I think there might be something going on between Megatron and Starscream"

"How exactly do you know all of this?" Graham asked.

"Because, we have fought against the Decepticons longer than you have, and I think I saw them in a forest once doing things I wish I didn't see"

"... please don't say anything else."

"Why's that?"

"Because I don't want nightmares."

"haha, you don't wanna walk in on Ironhide and will... that's scary... Big ass holoform of a robot and you're best friend/major... they're not pretty when they're both sexually frustrated"

"Voyeur."

"hardly, I was told to go tell them about a random Decepticon attack... I walked in on them accidently"

"Ever heard of knocking?" Graham grinned. "Voyeur."

"they were in a shooting range, there Is no way to knock and have them hear you, it's soundproof. I got slugged for it"

"Maybe they should install an Epps alarm."

"I think you should install a rape alarm... You're adorable and nearly every gay guy here wants you bar Lennox and 'Hide"

"There are no gay guys except for you, Lennox and 'Hide."

"Oh, You would be SO surprised"

"Tch I doubt it. It takes a lot to surprise me."

"Ha, I doubt it... Some of the Autobots are after you... Mainly Prowl... he likes small things"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I didn't mean that as in the size of your... Shoes... But... You're small and adorable"

"Oh. I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult." Graham said thoughtfully.

"Compliment... I like small and adorable things... actually in second thought" Epps leant over and bite Graham's neck, and sucked a little bit. Leaving a mark "Now you belong to me"

"Oh, so now you're dictating ownership." Graham rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I don't like it when people try to take things I want"

"Don't worry, no-one is going to take me away from you." Graham smiled, leaning back against Epps.

"You don't know that" Epps ran his hands over Graham's chest and arms, leaving his hands to rest on the waistband of his boxers. "Prowl might come after you later, and if he doesn't see who you belong to, how the hell is he going to know?"

"I can protect myself y'know." Graham said. "And why are you so sure Prowl is going to come after me?"

"I've heard him talking to Ironhide, and are you sure you can protect yourself against a big ass robot such as Prowl... I know Will is strong and everything, but he can't protect himself against Ironhide" Epps smirked.

"I'm sure I can protect myself... if not, I'll just use my heart melting British accent as a distraction to give me time to get away." Graham grinned.

"Uhh... Prowl's British... If you didn't already know that, and it doesn't work against everyone"

"Fuck."

"and that's why they all need to know who you belong to" Epps said, with an air of smugness around him. He leant down and kissed his neck.

"Yes, because I'm going to run around the base showing everyone my hickeys." Graham rolled his eyes, displaying that wonderful British sarcasm.

"I didn't mean for you to run around the base showing everyone in your hickeys. If someone looks at you and goes toward your neck. Then they'll see them. And they're big enough to see them 10 foot away" Epps grinned.

"Should I be pleased about that?"

"yes. Yes you should be"

"Right. I suppose I should prepare myself to answer lots of awkward questions about the marks on my neck."

"just say we had a Satsuma fight and I won"

"A Satsuma fight? yes, because that's normal..." Graham smiled.

"it is normal. Satsuma fights are amazing. You do it in your vest and underwear"

"Yes, but satsumas hurt."

"thats the point"

"I know that's the point." Graham sighed. "But getting hit with some sort of fruit in your vest and underwear doesn't sound like fun to some people – including me."

"God... we didn't actually have one. Its just a ploy just incase someone asks what happened. Unless you wanna tell them the truth?" Epps asked. raising one awesome black mans eyebrow.

"I don't mind telling them the truth... I mean, people will find out anyway. Do you wanna tell them the truth? Or do you want the excitement of sneaking around?" Graham asked and kissed Epps.

"Well... the people I care about already know... such as Lennox... and he's probably told Ironhide. So... Yeah... I don't need to tell anyone"

"Well, I can't think of anyone I need to tell. Lennox and Ironhide and probably the only people that need to know anyway... and Morshower probably has some way of finding out without being told." Graham said.

"Morshower already knows... I told him telepathetically, the same I told Lennox and Ironhide"

"What the? Telepathically?" Graham asked. "Are you sure you didn't text all of them?"

"Nope. I don't have my phone. I used my awesome black man-ness to tell them all... it also helped that I told Lennox that you would be mine by the morning yesterday..." Epps grinned.

"Was I the subject of a bet?" Graham groaned.

"No... We didn't bet on anything... He knew it would happen... Because he's Lennox... and he's... well... there is no other way to describe it. He's just Lennox"

"I suppose he knew it would happen because of your black candy." Epps laughed. Hard.

"I guess you could say that"

"Well, you're always boasting about your black candy – it seemed like the only rational explanation."

"Right... Welll... You're British!"

"I'm automatically awesome. What's your point?"

"I'm automatically awesome for being black!"

"Yes, but I'm more awesome."

"Whatever!"

"Tch you're just denying it because you know it's the truth." Graham laughed.

"Uhhh... I can't be bothered to argue!"

"Haha I win." Graham leant forwards and kissed Epps on the forehead. "So what do you want to do today?"

"Sleep? That sounds like a good idea? And to be honest. I don't really know... Depends on what happening... I suppose we could hang out with Lennox and 'Hide?"

"Yeah, if they're not too busy." Graham said. "Which they usually are. Give them a call."

"OKayyyyyy" Epps picked up his phone and dialled Lennox's number

"Who is it?" Lennox answered the phone.

"That's nice... It's Epps. HEY BROTHER"

"Ohh... why are you so loud and awake?"

"I've been awake for HOURS! It's great! Why aren't you so loud and awake?"

"Because I was up most of the night and I might be slightly hung over. What do you want?"

"wanna hang?"

"Who? What? Where? When?"

"Who; Me and Graham. What; Wanna hang out. Where; Aint too sure. When; Dunno."

"Wow, you're extremely organised. How about the beach around lunch time?"

"Sounds good! Meet you there!" Epps hung up, before will could answer. Cuz he's black. He can.

"What are we doing today?" Graham asked.

"Beach around lunchtime..." Epps gasped. "!"

"..." Graham blinked at Epps. "Say that again, but make sure you breathe between each word."

"We. Should. Totally. Invite. Glen. It. would. Be. Awesome... better?"

"Yes thank you. He can come as long as he brings some doughnuts to share. That would make it more awesome." Epps scoffed

"He never shares his doughnuts... They're his babies!"

"Wow... that's a kinda weird image. I guess me and Lennox and going on 'operation steal Glen's doughnuts' again." Graham grinned.

"That was you AND Lennox? Dude... That was badass"

"Yeah well... we were bored, Glen was there. So were the doughnuts." Graham shrugged. "I still can't believe how fast Glen can run... I mean... how did he even know we'd taken his doughnuts?"

"Nope... I don't think so... and he is, when he's running for doughnuts or for his life..."

"Yeah but... you wouldn't exactly expect it... and damn he's dangerous when he's angry."

"He's great... He's black!"

"If great = fucking mental."

"Fuck you"

"Gee, thanks." Epps smiled and licked the shell of Grahams ear

"your welcome"

"Are you gonna give Glen a call then, seeing as he's your bro."

"Nope... "

"Then how is he going to know to come to the beach?"

"He'll know... Trust me"

"What are you going to do? Lure him with doughnuts?" Graham laughed.

"No... telepathetically tell him through our awesome black man ness"

"You are NOT telepathic!"

"I know... I'm telepathetic... it's totally different"

"Whatever."

_**-TBC-**_

_**A.N. Darkness: Telepathetic is a real thing. I use telepatheticy all the time. Hence why Epps uses it... and I know I'm talking about Black Man Ness all the time.. but seriously... they have like a connection... they just know. My co-writer... doesn't think that telepathicy is a real thing... but it is. Regardless of what she says. She works for me. **_

_**Happy Reading! **_

_**Cyber!Cookie anyone? You hafta review first! 8D**_

_**xxDarknessxx  
**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Hai! Last Chapter! Woot Woot! **_

_**Summary: This fic was written with Christina Agulera's 'CandyMan' in mind. Basically... Graham cant resist Epps's Black Candy-ness. **_

_**Disclaimer: Really Not mine. Sucks dunit. **_

**__****Warnings: SLASH! SWEARING! YOU HAS BEEN WARNED! IF YOU DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ! SIMPLES!**

_**Happy Reading!**_

**CHAPTER THREE**

Lol they're on a beach

"Glen isn't here. You're wrong." Graham said.

"And to think I was up for stealing some doughnuts..." Lennox sighed.

"Jesus guys... do you have no faith" Epps looked round.. "Ha... here he comes guys... you are so screwed..." Epps grinned.

"You humans are so weird" Ironhide rolled his eyes and flopped down on the white sand.

"Why the hell are we screwed?" Graham asked. "Did he bring his cousin as well?"

"Uhhh" Epps looked, I can't see who's with him"

"Yes... His cousin is with him" Ironhide said looking over and then lying down, catching some rays. **(A.N. Darkness; Can robots even tan, even if they are in their holoform?) **

"'Hide, are you just going to lay there and be boring ALL day?" Lennox scowled.

"I'm not being boring... I'm relaxing. Something you wouldn't let me do inside" Ironhide said matter-of-factly.

"I'm pretty sure I relaxed you inside." Lennox spluttered, blushing.

"Yes... but now you can relax me out here"

"I'm going for a swim. And to plan how to steal Glen's doughnuts." Lennox said.

"No you're not you're staying here" Ironhide grabbed Lennox's legs and pulled him down on the sand holding onto him. Epps rolled his eyes

"Can you get a room guys"

"Do you wanna join us?" Lennox grinned. Epps grinned and poked his tongue out at Lennox.

"Nahh, think I'll pass on this time"

"Haha thought so." Lennox grinned, struggling against Ironhide. "Ironhide, can you let me go for a swim now?"

"No" Ironhide held on tighter. And nuzzled into the other mans neck.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't wanna!"

"Ugh. Come for a swim with me then!"

"Fine" Ironhide let go of will and stood up and walked with him to the water.

"So, what are we going to do?" Graham asked. Epps pulled Graham closer to him.

"I can think of a few things..." Epps pulled Graham closer and nibbled on his neck. He turned his head towards Glen and his cousin "I might be a while brother, theres a shop back over there and they sell doughnuts"

"I'm there!" Glen ran towards the shop, faster than a normal human would. His cousin followed at a pace that was just about slower.

"Are we going to do what I think we are...?" Graham asked.

"only if you wanna. Lennox ad Ironhide are probably fucking in the water" Epps looked over at the other pair and concluded, that yes... they were fucking.

"Well... sand gets everywhere."

"Thats why there is a blanket"

"But sand STILL gets everywhere even if you do use a blanket."

"Fine.. You clearly don't wanna fuck"

"I do. I just don't want to be washing sand away for the next week or so."

"Fine... Water?"

"Yeah okay... as long as we stay out of the way of Lennox and Ironhide."

"haha, I think I might invite them to join"

"Isn't this place a bit... public... for that?" Graham asked. "And what about when Glen comes back? Do you want him to have a heart attack?"

"He's gonna be a while... trust me"

"And so are we."

"exactly, he'll be out by the time we're finished"

"Okay. Come on." Graham stood up and walked down to the water's edge, waiting for Epps to follow him. Epps started following Graham and pulled him into the water. Graham laughed and kissed Epps on the lips.

"om nom nom."

"om nom nom?"

"Yeah, Your tasty"

"All I can taste is salt from the sea."

"haha, not for long"

"Oh really?" Graham raised an eyebrow.

"yah,... really. "

"Oh."

**'**

"and I thought you told us to get a room" Ironhide smirked

"I can't believe you two." Lennox shook his head and grinned. "There were children on that beach! And by children I mean Sam."

"Sam's probably being raped by Optimus anyway"

"More like Bumblebee." Graham said. Epps burst out laughing the n stopped when he saw who was with Sam

"What the... Glen!"

"WHAT?" Lennox and Graham both yelled and snapped their heads around to look.

"seriously?" Ironhide said and casually looked over at the beach. "Oh, didn't you guys know they were fucking?"

"Ironhide? How the fuck did you know? You've been holding out on me!" Lennox fumed. "NO SEX FOR A WEEK."

"The fuck... No... Bumblebee told me. I thought you knew? And besides, they're trying to keep it a secret from Optimus"

"I DON'T CARE. YOU DIDN'T TELL ME. DAMN IT 'HIDE, I TELL YOU EVERYTHING! I EVEN TOLD YOU AND EPPS AND GRAHAM BEFORE THEY KNEW IT THEMSELVES."

"So... why am I not getting any sex for a week?"

"Because you didn't tell me about it! and when you finally do get sex again, it will be hate sex! GR."

"to be honest, I think I like angry sex"

"Well, screw you." Lennox snapped and stormed away.

"Ironhide, maybe you should go after him." Graham suggested. "I'm sure you can find a way to convince him not to hate you..."

"I know I can" Ironhide started following

"So... now what do we do?" Graham asked, holding hands with Epps. "Because I don't feel like sitting here and watching Sam and Glen do whatever they're doing."

"Well... we could go back to the base"

"Sounds good to me. Let's go." Graham grinned, dragging Epps along.

"I hope Glen doesn't feel the same as he does with his doughnuts... and what happened to his cousin"

"No idea. Maybe he's still in that doughnut shop."

"Poor Glen's cousin"

"Poor Glen's cousin." Graham agreed.

_**-End-**_

_**Welp! There ya have it! Hope ya enjoyed it! **_

_**After this there is going to be another one called Peanut Butter! And, well... The first chapter for that is up tomorrow! So keep you orange eye peeled!**_

_**Reviews = Cyber!Cookies!**_

_**xxDarknessxx  
**_


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